March favourites

Cookworks Signature Panini Press



Grant and I had intended on replacing our grody old sandwich toaster before going to NZ and luckily he had some Argos vouchers to spend. We decided on the Cookworks Signature Panini Press because of all of the good reviews. The ease of cleaning was the main attraction.

We freaking love this thing! You can toast four sandwiches at the same time, you can toast tortillas and quesadillas, you can set it to grill your cheese (the top plate can be fixed to hover above your sandwich without touching it). It is so easy to clean, quick to heat up and a total winner. And with the vouchers it didn't even cost us anything!

Uno card game



The boys found the pack of Uno cards and asked if we could play at dinnertime. We now play Uno through every meal.

Both Noah and Daniel are not very interested in food and are easily bored. It was a chore to keep them at the table long enough to eat more than the bare minimum but Uno has really helped! It's been so fun to play together. We kind of make our own rules a little bit - the cards are all laid out on the table face up next to our plates so everyone can see everyone else's cards, which influences what you will play. We don't add up the face values of the cards like you're supposed to. It's a fun little family tradition we have now and I'm so glad we started it. We still have to remind the boys to actually eat, but keeping them at the table isn't drama anymore.

Shoes!



I've been so stressed and depressed lately. What are the two things that make me feel better? Eating and shopping. Well, eating hasn't worked out so well as I have gained tons of weight from stress-chowing. Shopping for clothes isn't that appealing since I don't look or feel good in anything. But shoes ... shoes always make me feel better and I've been spending my saved-up pocket money on some beautiful pairs. I buy them new on eBay and rarely spend more than about £7 a pair. For new shoes! Bargain.

(Yes, I know there are other ways of handling stress, and yes I have been doing them too, but really, I'm in survival mode here. Allow me my vices!)

I'm planning on doing a post showcasing my entire shoe collection. Please let me know if you're interested in seeing them all! I'll probably do the post anyway as a record for myself (I think it will be fun to look back on in 10 years' time) but it will be way more fun if I think you guys are actually interested.

Vanilla



For some reason I've been obsessed with the scent and flavour of vanilla. I burn vanilla scented candles, am drawn to vanilla recipes. Can't get enough of the creamy, slightly sweet smell / taste.

The Host by Stephenie Meyer



This book by the author of the Twilight saga is awesome. I so enjoyed it and highly recommend it! If you've read it, let me know what you think (please try to keep spoilers to a minimum for those who haven't read it yet!)

NZ update - we (kind of) know when we'll (possibly) be going

When we delivered our Permanent Residency application to New Zealand House on Valentine's day a little voice in the back of my head whispered, "June." I didn't want to listen to it. June? Are you kidding me? That was months and months away from February. And the guy at immigration said he'd be surprised if it took us as long as a month to be granted PR. La la la, not listening, crazy little voice in my head.

But as you know, it's been just over six weeks and still no PR. Grant emailed our case worker yesterday to ask if there was an update and she said no, not yet, and there probably wouldn't be one for two to three weeks.

Cue my meltdown. I just don't understand why it's still going to take weeks when we know we've given them everything they've asked for and as far as we know our file is complete. Total frustration.

In Grant's job offer letter they mentioned that he'd have to quit his job here by 4th of May. He phoned his NZ recruitment officer to ask what would happen if we didn't have PR in time and she said that they would issue another letter with a date 3 months later.

But the way things stand now, it looks like Grant will likely be starting at the college in NZ in July or else August if we don't make July. I'm going to assume July or else I will go even more insane.

Which means we'd be flying there in ... June.

Just because you hear voices in your head doesn't always mean you are crazy.

I'm actually okay with it being that far out - it will give us time to send our stuff ahead of us (as it takes 10-12 weeks) and arrange everything we need to. And although we don't have a date yet, or PR, I feel a little better knowing (kind of) when we'll be (possibly) be going.

My precious babies

Asking for updates

Grant said it was rude that yesterday I wrote that I can't bear it when people ask for updates. But remember, I also wrote that I understand that people will ask and I try to be gracious about it.

The fact that I'm frustrated is not their fault.
The fact that they are the hundredth person to ask is also not their fault.
The fact that this process is taking so long is not their fault.
The fact that my life is upside down in the meantime is not their fault.

It's our own fault! We chose this journey. Sure, we didn't choose for things to take so long or be complicated, but we knew it was a possibility. And we chose it anyway.

I am so grateful to have so many people in our lives who are interested in us, who care about us, who are rooting for us. I truly am. And so I will continue to smile and answer as graciously as I can when we're asked for updates.

I only hope that soon we'll have a good one to share!

P.S. I experienced this last time we emigrated, when we moved from South Africa to England. I read back in my journals and there's one entry that says, "Don't ask me what's happening with our move to England because I'm sick of being asked about it so I don't want to talk about it!" and I'm like, that's not helpful to me now, I want to know what was going on at that stage! LOL

NZ update - still waiting

I am at that stage where I can't bear it when people ask, "Any news yet?" or "When are you going" and yet absolutely everyone is asking. I do understand that they are interested and I accept that they will continue to ask and I try to answer graciously but man, it's salt in the wound. Like going way overdue with your pregnancy and everyone asking, "When are you going to have that baby?"

Grant has been in contact with New Zealand about the job offer letter that wasn't signed. They came back saying that the 'Fixed Term Employment Agreement' that was sent to him is for his viewing only at this stage, to let him know the terms of employment. It needs to be signed in front of a District Commander, but only once they have proof of our Permanent Residency. The job offer letter is exactly what previous officers in the UK have required, to produce to Immigration for their application for residency.

So, basically, why was our immigration case officer asking for more than we provided when what we provided is sufficient?

Grant also posted his signed declaration to her and it arrived at the building and was signed for on the 16th ... yet it only reached her desk today. The 23rd. Aaargh!! ANYWAY, she emailed today to say, "I will be in contact with you soon regarding a decision."

So more waiting. And no real news. And no, we don't have a date yet and don't know when we are going, thanks for asking!!!

A walk to the beach

One of my lovely readers, Angie, left a comment on my blog last week suggesting that I use this time of waiting to record the details of our life here in England before we leave. I've been meaning to film the walk from our house to the beach for a while, and I finally got off my bum and did it. Here's the walk, speeded up 1.8 times. Sorry about the shaky camera, I was walking fast.



(Music is "Please (Underscore)", royalty-free music by Broken Joey Records.)

Playing with my jewellery

And proving that despite playing with my jewellery he is all boy, this is Noah showing me that if you bend my bracelet it looks like a car!

Microwave chocolate sponge cake

Recipe can be found in my e-book - click here for more information.

Cinnamon sugar doughnut muffins

Recipe can be found in my e-book - click here for more information.

The birthday boy

(Poor thing, look how swollen his gums are - he has two great big teeth working their way down and two little ones hanging on by a thread.)

No party this year, but we had cake here at home and Noah chose pizza from Zeko's (local take-away place) for supper.

Happy birthday, Noah!

My baby is 6 today. He's growing up so fast! Happy, happy birthday, sweet boy.

I'll take pictures of him when he gets home from school. Here's his cake - it's our car, a turquoise Renault Modus. (And yes, here in England the front licence plate is white and the rear one is yellow.)

Better

I just want to say thank you SO MUCH to everyone who commented, emailed or said a prayer for me. It helps more than you know to have people who care. I am feeling a LOT better this week. Yesterday I was all alone in the house for the first time in literally months and I felt like I could actually breathe. The sun was also shining, which always helps.

Today I am making Noah's birthday cake as tomorrow is his birthday. I can't believe he is turning 6! No more little kids in this house, only big kids. Whenever I see how much they are growing or getting a year older I wail, "Stop growing, stay little!" The other day Noah asked, "Do you still love me as much now that I am bigger?" so I had to reassure him that I love him more now than ever, and explain to the boys that I don't say that they should stay little because I liked them better when they were smaller, I say it because the bigger and older they get, the closer they are to leaving me and going out into the big wide world. They get it now :)

Bathtime fun

NZ update - Struggling

I've been really, really struggling this last week. So depressed and down, there are no words to describe. I am just so tired of living in limbo, of having chaos around me, of dismantling my home and my life with no end in sight. Noah has also been quite ill this week, which hasn't helped, poor guy (he's fine now though).

We were supposed to hear back from immigration with an initial assessment by Wednesday. Of course we got our hopes up that we would have a decision by then, but we heard nothing until Grant emailed asking what was up. Oh, said our immigration officer, I have a couple of questions for you. WHICH she was free to ask ANY TIME during the previous ten days. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, she needs a signed declaration from Grant saying that although he was born in Germany he was never a citizen and has no criminal record there (to point out the ridiculousness of the latter, he was 3 or 4 when they left!) She also needs confirmation of his job offer direct from New Zealand as there is no signature on his job offer letter and information pack. I just don't even know what to say. All of the contact details are there in the letter and she could have contacted them for confirmation any time - maybe not by phone, due to the time difference, but certainly by email.

I just feel spent. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this. I am so fed up of pushing, pushing, pushing people to do their jobs. Of waiting, of wondering, of being unable to make plans for more than a few weeks' time because we don't know where we'll be. Of trying to be positive for the kids when I'm in worse turmoil than they are. Of showing strangers around my home so that they can have a nosey at all of our belongings to quote for shipping. Of people I know asking, "When are you going?" or "Any news?" Of crying every single day. Of feeling raw and anxious and stressed. Of my constant state of fight-or-flight that my body is in.

When I feel like this, all of the negatives to do with this move rear their heads and stand so tall in front of me that I can't see the things that we have to look forward to. I see our massive to-do list, I see homesickness, distressed children, money worries, a minimum of 24 hours on aeroplanes. I see loneliness and the vulnerability of having to build new friendships from the ground up. I see sacrifice and loss. I see missing my friends and family, living halfway around the world from my mother. I see being lost in a sea of unfamiliarity when everything has to be learned anew. And when people ask if I'm excited, I stare blankly at them as they smile expectantly at me, waiting for me to enthuse about our new life. But I'm spent and I'm empty and I have nothing.

I know that this is part of the process. I know that it is still worth it. I am still 100% committed and 100% sure that this is the right move for our family. I just don't know how much longer I can go without an answer, without a leaving date, without going out of my ever-loving mind.

Carrot cake muffins

The recipe is in my e-book - click here for more info or to order.

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