What a busy few days. We got back on Friday late afternoon and I spent the rest of the day and Saturday morning unpacking, doing some housework, laundry and icing cupcakes for our church Christmas party. Saturday afternoon we went body-boarding and in the evening was the party.
Sunday was church, a nap and then I went to a Christmas concert with R.
Through it all I felt emotional and overwhelmed and a little fragile. What's up with that? Grant is back now, all of our stress and drama is behind us. I should feel relieved and happy, right? Then what's with all the emotion? It wasn't just me either - Noah had a bit of an emotional meltdown on Saturday but he felt better after I spent some time cuddling him and talking it through.
Sunday night I couldn't sleep. I only went to bed at 11pm but then lay there for an hour, awake. I got up and read for an hour then went back to bed and thankfully to sleep.
Yesterday morning Grant went to work and I woke up around 8:50am, super tired but full of enthusiasm to get the house in order, tidy up, do laundry, plan some meals, tackle some crafting. I was pottering around, busy but still feeling emotional, when my neighbour came by with some empty jars for me and while we were chatting I embarrassingly burst into tears. She was very kind and understanding and after she left I pulled myself together and carried on around the house.
At about 1pm I was pulling some pallets apart to use the wood for a craft project, when I turned around and stepped on a board. I felt a sharp pain, like you would stepping on a stone, and jerked my foot back, only to see the board of wood come with it. That's when I realised I'd stepped on a 3-inch nail and it had gone through my Croc and through my foot. Sick feeling as I had to use my other foot to stand on the board so I could pull my foot off the nail, then hobble into the house to inspect the injury.
The nail went through the ball of my foot just below my third toe and almost exited at the top next to my third toe - there is a red mark where it almost punctured the skin there. I was kind of freaking out at the grossness of it and it was kind of the last straw - I cried and cried and cried and cried. I was alone with the kids and couldn't go to the doctor for a tetanus shot as Grant had the car. It was kind of the last straw after the last 4-and-a-half months of nobody here to take care of me. I guess all of the emotions of our separation plus the stress, loss, frustration, uncertainty and change of the last two years just came crashing over me and I couldn't stop sobbing. Eventually I calmed down enough to take a nap - I was just exhausted.
When Grant came home we went to the Accident & Medical walk-in clinic. We were there for two hours. I had to have x-rays of three different angles of my foot to make sure the bone hadn't been chipped, a tetanus shot (hardly felt it) and went home with a prescription for ibuprofen and antibiotics.
Of course I couldn't sleep last night either, and only drifted off after 1am. I just feel spent and a little crazy.
So, please weigh in and tell me I'm not insane ... especially you military wives (or anyone who has emigrated) ... did you kind of melt down after it was all over and your husband was back? How long before you could settle back into normal life?
Have you ever stepped on a nail? How long before it felt better?
And yes, for those wondering it feels about how you would expect it to, which is incredibly frustrating less than a week before Christmas as I have so much to do. Just call me Hopalong Cassidy. At least it's my left foot so I can still drive, although I will have trouble walking when I get wherever I'm going. I'm SO grateful Grant is home. He's working this week but he's on leave for the next two weeks - and his brother arrives on Friday for a couple of weeks.
I guess I just need to let go of some of the things I was planning on doing. I guess I also need to accept that it will take time to get over what we've been through, and be patient with myself in the meantime. I have so much to be grateful for - getting to live in NZ, being together as a family, beautiful summer, kind and supportive friends, good health and of course Christmas and all that it means. Even my foot injury could have been so much worse and I'm grateful it wasn't.
I'll be okay.
You are perfectly normal and that is a common reaction. Don't stress it. It will all come back together for you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and let some things slide. You do not need everything picture perfect 100% of the time lady!!:)
Absolutely Normal. My husband is in the Navy and 6-8 month separations are the norm. He is gone now in fact. About a week before his ship is due to depart, I pick a fight with him. Somehow it makes it easier for me to watch him leave. When he returns, there is a 24 hours window of elation and then the meltdown. After 6 months or so of being Mother/father/handyman/banker/you name it, of missing your other half, of trying to be everything to your children and watching them deal with missing their father, suddenly it just washes over me and I am a sobbing wreck. It is normal and I promise you the balance will return soon!
ReplyDeleteHope your foot feels better soon!
Bless you!
ReplyDeleteTotall! It's not the same as 4 months, but my husband travels constantly for work (usually a day or two a week and every month he probably has one longer trip) and after the initial glow of having him home from a long trip fades there is always the slump. I think when they're away we build up how different and amazing things will be when they're home, then they get home and are back to work or distracted and we still feel like we're holding down the fort on our own and it's such a dissappointment!
ReplyDeleteLoooong time since I was a soldiers wife (note I was NOT an Army wife - I was married to a soldier not the army! :-D ) but I go totally with what Kate said about picking fights just before they leave. Then when he came out he became a truck driver - often away for two or three weeks. All that time I was alone with the children and we resented him when he came home - for being away and then for coming home. Totally mad! You'll hate having him around when he's on leave after being away for so long. But it does settle down. Just take it a day at a time. You don't yet have a family routine after moving thousands of miles..... you'll get there. I promise.
ReplyDeleteHope your foot is better soon. Oh, and I loved the photos of the boys surfing. How cool to be doing that in December! (((Hugs))) Jude.x
Yes Jen it is normal. When Paul came home last time after 71/2 months, I was fine I think for the first 4/5 days then I cried at anything and everything for about a week and I would also just randomly just fall a sleep while sitting down anywhere!!
ReplyDeleteTiredness from the last 7 1/2 months, joy from him coming home, resentment from being left on my own with the kids, overwhelmed from him being home, annoyed he was doing my jobs (washing up etc) that I had just done for the last 7 1/2 months..........the list just goes on. All the emotions/feelings just kicked in all in one go and I was a wreck!!!! Paul must have thought what on earth have I come home too!!!!!
It does/will get better. Love to you all xxxxx
Love you Jen.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time sweet Jesus...
You know, I'm not a military wife but I know what you're feeling. For me- when there's a crisis or just a lot of stress I can go into "GET IT DONE" mode. Nothing matters but making sure life stays in order. Once the crisis is over I totally lose it.
ReplyDeleteSo last month when my little sister was in a coma, my father was a complete disaster & I took charge, making sure we knew what was going on with her medically & coordinating our schedules so we could be with her. Once she was home & walking around I had a MAJOR breakdown that I'm actually still working out with my therapist.
Take time. The only way out is through... so let yourself feel whatever emotions are there.
Strange how the mind works and heals. You are completely normal and I've gone through similar things when my husband is away for weeks at a time. Sometimes I can't believe I'm having a hard time when things should be better because he's home.
ReplyDeleteOn Christmas Eve day I was just reading over the birth of Jesus in our new story bible to make sure it would work for our tradition to read it with my extended family before our meal together. I totally and completely lost it, right out of the blue. My dad has been gone six years and somehow, even though I thought I was completely fine, my brain connected this tradition to him and I surprised myself with this reaction. I suppose we were created this way, or we'd bottle it all up and it could do a lot of harm!