I just wanted to clarify my last post. I know how annoying it is when someone slim pinches an inch and goes, "Oh, I'm so faaaaat!" It's not like that at all.
I have gained back 25 of the 35 pounds I worked so hard to lose. That is cause for concern.
I am struggling to fit into most of my clothes. That is cause for concern.
I carry my weight around my middle and that is the most health-dangerous place to carry it. That is cause for concern.
I am 10.5lb over my healthy BMI range. That is cause for concern.
I am not setting a good example of healthy eating and weight management for my children. That is cause for concern.
I feel tired and grumpy all of the time due to what I've been putting into my mouth. That is cause for concern.
But most of all, the way I was out of control, the way I felt unable to say no to myself, scared me. The only difference between me and someone who weighs 300lb was time.
I watched a show the other day which showed a woman who was so obese that she couldn't even move off her bed. She lay sprawled naked on her bed with her acres of flesh pooling around her as if she was a wax candle that had melted. It was horrifying. In her interview she said, "You look at me and probably want to ask, 'How does someone let themselves get to this state?' And the answer is, 'slowly'."
My weight gain is the symptom. The problem has been the choices I've been making with regards to the things I've been eating. Too much sugar and too many refined carbs, not enough of the good things. That helpless feeling of being unable to make better choices, where the craving overwhelms the long term goals.
I've had to face up and draw a line. I'm drawing it now, and I'm determined to make better choices. Please don't think this is about any one of you, no matter how much bigger than me you are. It's about me, my choices, my endless struggle with food (I just like it too much!) That's one thing I've learned on my Weight Watchers journey - each one of us is on our own journey and it has nothing to do with anyone else's. We all have our own battles to fight. And I'm fighting mine.
You have totally inspired me Jen! I love how you've written about your battles and I realise mine are exactly the same. Good luck hunny and thank you so much for your inspiration and honesty.
ReplyDeleteI understand and have been on the same journey for myself for quite some time. Good luck and I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteI commend you for being upfront with yourself and holding yourself accountable. It's the hardest thing to do at times! I am in the same place. Two years ago, I was 25 pounds later and with life changes, I found excuses or "I'll start laters" and I'm back where I promised I would never be again after a life of yo-yoing weight!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!!
You are so wise!! It's so much smarter to get things in check quickly, before they get out of hand. You've made me more determined not to let any more of my weight creep back on!! Especially since I was still quite a ways off my goal as it was!! And I too want to be a good example for my kids. Thanks for the reminder xxx
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for quite a while but never felt compelled to comment. please, please, for your own health and sanity, get a copy of a book called "Health At Every Size" and really consider the things she says. You seem like such an awesome woman who is going through a lot of major life changes with moving to NZ and raising your boys and doing it so beautifully. It breaks my hear to see you lamenting about weight.
ReplyDeleteWell said!! I understand completely. I am in the exact same situation as you.
ReplyDeleteAbout a week or so ago when i couldn't get into shorts I wore last Sept. I said enough is enough. Like you my weight goes to my middle. We have a very strong history of diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure and I have been told by doctors because of my bone structure I am at high risk for osteoporosis, something my mom has. I am focusing on what is healthy for me and my body at this stage in my life, and I wasn't there.
Back at watching what I eat, and moving my body. After a couple of week the waistband on some of my shorts are starting to feel looser.
Please keep us updated. We know you can do it and proud of you.
Cindy, I hear you and I appreciate your concern. Please believe me when I say that pictures can be deceiving and that what you see me post of myself here on my blog is not the full picture. I am definitely carrying extra weight and feeling it. It's not about looks or about loving myself, it's about health. There is a strong family medical history of stroke and I can't afford to be overweight, but even so, the weight is not as much of an issue for me as my eating habits, which is what I'm really trying to correct.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to post, and with compassion, I do appreciate your kind words. xx
Hey Pumkin Pie, (like the inappropriate affection? huh?)
ReplyDeleteMan, I could have written that post myself. We are what people call "skinny fat", its actually a term. We hide our fat round our organs, rather than in the obvious places. I had a body fat test a little while ago, where I had to wear a bathing suit and sit in this egg looking contraption. The women doing the test did it twice cause she thought the machine hadn't calibrated correctly the first time, but my results were exactly the same both times. My body fat was borderline obese. Scary huh? At 5'9" I was only weighing 145lbs at the time. That gave me a wake-up. BUT, I'm completely addicted to sugar. I know it, if I haven't had my fix I get all jittery. So the point of this ramble. I hear exactly what you're saying, I feel exactly what you're saying and I salute and support you on your struggle. Love ya!
Hey Jen, Thanks for your considerate response! I think we are in agreement for the most part...it is about health! I absolutely agree with making better food choices. There is just such a painful tendency among women to focus on the scale instead of feeling good about food and our choices. I was definitely NOT commenting on your looks, or your size, and I'm sorry I made it seem that way!
ReplyDeleteI'll still be reading no matter what and maybe commenting more in the future :)